A Parent's Guide: Your Child's Tennis Tournament

I'll start by stating the most obvious statement we can start with:

Tennis is not the easiest sport to excel at. On the contrary, it's quite difficult.

Even harder than performing on court could be the seat on the outside of the fence.... yours!

I get it!

You want your child to succeed and excel at everything they put their (and yours) effort, time and energy into. This sport is brutal. It will create a lot of vulnerabilities, expose opportunities for growth, and imbue more emotions than any of us can fathom.

Take a second to understand what it's like to step on court for a tennis match:

As a Pre-Teen or Teenager, your child is experiencing a lot. Daily, Weekly, Monthly, there are always challenges and new state of emotions and being that are learning to navigate. In a few moments they are going to step onto a Tennis court and play a Singles match.

1. They may or may not share with you exactly what thoughts, feelings, or emotional state they are experiencing.

2. It's very possible they are hiding their true feelings for a number of reasons.

3. They don't feel ready and possibly don't want to compete.

4. They are concerned with what you (parent) and their Coach will think of their performance.

5. If it's at tournament. They could have thoughts about who is watching them and what other players/parents could be thinking.

   
   

The list goes on and on.....

Here is a clip from an email I sent in 2012 to parents whose children I was working with at the time:

Was there anything that could be done about this?

As a Parent, what can you do about this?

Is there SOMETHING to equip you for this type of a scenario?

The answer is both, "YES" & "NO".

I played Junior Tennis from 1996 till 2005. But it wasn't until 2002 that I started to enjoy, embrace, and acknowledge what competition truly was for me as an athlete.

Now, 22 coaching years and hundreds of students later, I have spent hours unpacking some similarities I've seen in Junior performance in competition. I've understood what I went through and peeling back the layers to understand what it means to compete in this sport as an athlete. With that being said, an educated, well-experienced Coach will know what to say and how to prepare your athlete for this space. However, they are the ones getting the Tennis lessons. What about you?

Over the past 22 years of coaching juniors, reflecting on my junior tournament experiences, and observing parent/child interactions with Tennis, I've identified three essential logics to be the Parent your child needs you to be.

1. Your child wants to make you proud.

2. Have emotions, reflect positively, and make a plan.

3. Collect Data and back to the drawing board.

1. Your child wants to make you proud.

First and foremost, all children want to make their parent proud of them. This is innately wired in their actions, growth, and development through youth.

Take a moment to remember and realize what they are going through:

• What did you feel when you went to compete in a competition. If you did not compete in sports growin up, try your best to see what they see and feel what they are feeling.

• Are they a competitive person? Do they like to face adversity? Are they comfortable solving or figuring out the solution to a problem?

• Tennis practice is with a Coach and a group of peers. It's engaging, challenging, protected (sense of familiarity with the practice days), and comfortable. A tennis match is NOT.

  • Your child is out there, by themselves playing the sport they are still relatively new to. No Coach to advise them, no parental support (besides being there for them outside the fence), and no teammates to rely on.

  • It's a lonely sport from the competitive perspective and the problem solving only comes from the child themselves and their ability to understand what is happening within the 1-2hrs of the match.

• Their opponent could play any type of tennis and your child has to adapt. They could be far stronger or weaker as a player. Your child will have to adapt and figure out how to compete and play successfully against this opponent.

• They could be at the exact same level as your child and have a very similar game style. It's not easy to play against a mirror image of yourself and know what it takes to beat that type of a player.

  
  

This list continues for any number of reasons. You will know your child best, no doubt about it. However, the list above is always true. I've seen it in every student I Coach since the start of my coaching career. So be kind to them, be their parent, be the support they need you to be. They have a Coach, they definitely do not need a "parent-coach" for the day. Understand and more importantly, listen to how they feel and react after the match. These are cues for how to help them succeed in the next opportunity that day or the next event. This leads us to our 2nd point...

2. Have emotions, reflect positively, and make a plan.

In our life, we've had countless quizzes, tests, interviews, jobs, roles, etc. Everytime we face something in our life or career, we take some time to understand, adapt, and try to move forward with a better outcome. We should teach our children the same methodology.

A tennis match is a moment of experience in which your child can have a positive or negative reaction to. For sure emotional state may not be the best immediately after a competitive experience. No problem there, that's ok. However, after some time, an understanding, analysis, and gameplan must be made to move forward with the goal of improvement. Keep in mind that you know your child best and what is written below should be tried based on your best judgement as the parent. Most of the below is written with the understanding that naturally, a loss will require more attention than a win. However, the general understanding of the outline should still be followed no matter the result of the match.

Here is an outline of what can be followed when your child completes a tennis match:

1. Smile and give some simple and positive words, possibly an embrace.

   1. They are walking off the court and are looking for their parent. Give them your love and kindness.

   2. Offer positivity with a compliment or non-verbal show of support.

   3. I was happy to receive a hug post or a fist bump post match (though I was quite sweaty), while my sister was the opposite. Everyone is different, accept and respect your child's preference.

   4. Let your child be expressive, respectfully of course.

      1. They may feel frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed, or even all of the above. They are just letting it out and likely need to release their energy/feelings before they can start making sense of what occured in the match (if they are inaccurate). Players may come off saying things like, "I can't play tennis." or "nothing I did worked." Even things like, "I hate this sport." It's all part of the post match process. Emotions are healthy, but should be done in a respectful and non hurtful way.

2. Report score, step away from the courts, begin recovery (stretching, hydrating, etc).

   1. Reporting score is a requirement post match. Even if you see the opponent do so, go and confirm with the tournament desk anyway. Though rare, there is always the possibility of the score being reported incorrectly or worse, who is the winner. Yes, I've seen this happen before!

   2. Step away from the courts. That can mean a number of things, here are a few examples.

      1. For many, sweaty clothes are uncomfortable. I always preferred to change into fresh clothes and freshen up a little bit post match before doing anything else.

      2. If it's very hot or cold outside, stepping away from the elements and the competitive environment itself can help to being the process of decompressing from the match.

      3. Hydration and Nutrition. The match has stresses, mental and physical. Both need to recover. Finding a quiet place after the match to begin rehydration and adding back the calories and energy consumed during play is vital.

      4. Keep in mind how much time you have before your next match and be sure to consume accordingly. Too much and movement/play becomes uncomfortable. The same is true for consuming too little.

3. Begin the GAME PLAN!

   1. Now it's time to figure out what needs to be worked on, changed, or adapted for the next match. The emotions/feelings and nutrition/hydration are all completed, analysis and planning are the next step.

   2. Understand the next step. All previous matches are done, complete, and in the past. Now it's time to look ahead, what is the goal and what needs to be done for success in the upcoming match?

      1. Take a little time to reflect on what went well and what didn't go so well in the previous match.

      2. Identify on what can be improved and what is feasible for the next match.

      3. The goal is improvement, take a plan of action to play better tennis and at a higher level than the previous match.

      4. Be ready to fight! It's not easy to bounce back from one match to the next. Know why you are there, tie up the laces, and mentally prepare to get it done!

   3. Enjoy! This is not an opportunity that everyone gets in sport. Remember to be humble, express humility, and embrace the chance that you have to play tennis and compete. There may be hundreds of players that would love to be in your shoes with the chance that you are given.

3. Collect Data and back to the drawing board

Once the match is over, the real work begins. This is a vital period of time to collectively understand what happened over the course of the competitive weekend/event. As you gather data, it's important to note that not everything needs to be addressed and some items can take a longer timeline to work on.

Where this methodical planning comes to life is with the critical notes written down between parent/student and collaborated with the Coach. Depending on when the next competitive event will be, the plan will follow a specific timeline accordingly.

Here’s a simple, effective process for turning match results into real development:

1. Gather the Data

• What went well?

• What didn’t?

• What moments turned the match?This information gives you clarity on exactly what needs to improve and what’s already working.

2. Address the Gaps

• Spend at least one to two weeks focused on the key areas that showed up in your analysis.

• This doesn’t just mean technical work, it must include practice matches and point-play situations to build confidence and decision-making in real-time conditions.

3. Compete Again (in practice and tournament)

• Play practice sets and matches!

  • This is crucial to ensure that the situations, technique, and mindset goals that were worked on are ready to be tested in a competitive environment

  • Check the data again in the practice matches and be sure they are ready for competition.

• If they are ready, sign up for the next event and apply what you’ve worked on.

• This is your opportunity to test adjustments and continue building your competitive edge.

Be sure that everyone is aware of what is being worked on and on the same page for the development timeline. Regardless of the immediate, near, or far future goals, it's imperative that everyone function as a team for the benefit of the athlete.