Daily Insights 09 [A Moment in Time]

One of the most ridiculous statements I’ve ever heard as a Coach from a Parent (not one of my current students):

Me: “I have a slot open on Saturday morning from -  am.”

Parent: “Ok, let me check with my son what his schedule is on that day.”

Is this really happening?

Let’s set the scene. This Parent has expressed the desire for their child to improve in tennis, to become more committed, and to be more accountable. Their child is 11 years old.

My Background (so credibility is not in question):

• I’ve played Juniors, College, and the Pro Circuit.

• I’ve coached Juniors, College-bound players (D1, D2, NAIA scholarship athletes), served as Head Coach for both Men’s & Women’s College teams

• Developed players from ages 3–8, and run Adult programs.

• I’ve been playing Tennis since 1996 (29 years).

• I’ve been coaching Tennis since 2004 (21 years).

Where Parents miscalculate in Standard Coaching Situations

Parents want their child to improve and claim they understand what it takes to reach the next level.

But here’s the reality:

1. Who is setting the schedule?

If your child is 11, why are they in charge of creating their own life schedule? Discipline is learned by following an example—by watching how parents structure family life. Autonomy and agency are important, yes. But in sports development, not every child is naturally driven.

• Most would rather play video games (especially boys).

• Some will train normally and practice a little on their own.

• Very few (maybe 5% or less) will push their parents to invest more because they themselves are asking for more training.

  
  

2. If you trust your Coach, listen.

When you hire a Coach with the right background, one who is committed and honest enough to tell you exactly what it takes to reach the next level—LISTEN. Just as you’re trusted as an expert in your own job, a trusted Tennis Coach knows the path forward. If you’re willing to hire and listen, then follow the plan.

3. Stop letting an 11-year-old dictate priorities.

This is where things derail. Of course, kids need fun, downtime, and social life, we all did. But in sports development, training time must come first, then everything else. Children don’t naturally understand this balance. It’s up to the parent(s) to teach them that development in sport takes priority, and that free time is earned around it.

I no longer work with this student or parent. For the first three years, we made tremendous progress together as the student improved greatly and the trajectory was strong. But in the final 12 months, everything shifted.

The Father became increasingly involved, coaching the student outside of our sessions in ways that directly contradicted my methods. This wasn’t just a one-off occurrence. It developed into a repetitive pattern that lasted for several months. The student would come to lessons and openly tell me that his Father was advising him to do the opposite of what I was coaching. That’s when things began to unravel. It reached a point where, during our lessons, the student would tell me directly: “My dad said not to do what you’re asking me, but to do something else.” This wasn’t an isolated moment, it happened nearly every other lesson for several months. Eventually, the Father began instructing me: “Do this and this, make sure we practice this, and teach the student that.” Of course, I explained and gave evidence as to why those requests were not the right trajectory for the child’s current stage of development. But my professional voice no longer mattered, and the relationship naturally ran its course.

I still see the student hitting from time to time, since I continue coaching in that area. And as much as it hurts to see their improvement remain minimal, I remind myself of one thing: the Parent made that choice. They decided they had the knowledge and experience to step into the role of a Junior Development Coach and took the direction into their own hands.

Though this happened over a year ago, it still serves as a reminder: our children are a reflection of our actions. Teach your child the right habits, discipline, and etiquette, because whether good or bad, they will follow your lead. That becomes part of your legacy.